A picture says a thousand words

Well, I was supposed to go see Dr. Genaw today for my first follow-up appointment. Problem. I get to the other side of London (about 90 mins. away from home) and it hits me: I don't have my passport. Picture a woman screaming at the top of her lungs while driving down Canada's busiest highway. Yeah.

I was so busy gathering everything else I needed that I forgot the most important thing!

It would've done me no good to go home, get it and drive back to Detroit. It would've been way too late. So I called to reschedule and found out Dr. Genaw is not in next week so I have to see his colleague Dr. Carlin. Ok, I can handle that. *sigh* Only thing is, I was really hoping to get on their scale and see my true weight loss. Oh well.

I can't resist getting on my scale now. I need to stop and just get on it once a week, but it's hard! I've lost another few pounds over the weekend, despite the reappearance of psycho cycle. I'm thinking those last few days of the week where I was so tired and my blood sugar so low, might've been PMS. Fatigue and ravenous hunger are definitely two side effects I deal with every month. I'm sure my body was like "Where the hell are the Reese cups?? Where the hell is the freakin' pizza??" I was looking for a gastric-bypass-related answer but I'm not so sure now. Everything seems to be back to normal at this point.

I was looking at pics on my computer today and came across this true "before" picture. This is when I was at my heaviest. The picture was taken in November 2003. And I'm going to be totally honest, I was most likely pushing 500 pounds at that point though I really have no idea how much I weighed then. There weren't any scales, even at the doctor's office, that would weigh me. I was diagnosed with diabetes about a year later (?) and lost quite a bit (still, have no idea how much). When I started following Bo all over the place, I was starting to gain it back some, but still smaller than I was in this pic.

Dec. 2003 (click to enlarge):

Scary stuff, huh?

This is me yesterday: (click to enlarge)

I'm getting there. It'll take me a while, but one day, that woman in the first pic, and even the one in this last one, will be gone for good.

I've had a lot of people ask me why I had the surgery, why I didn't just "keep going" since I was doing so well pre-op. Well, here's the thing. I have lost 50 pounds over and over and over in my adult life. 50 pounds is a lot, yes, but to me it's a very small drop in the bucket. I was scared of failing again (i.e., gaining it all back and then some). As Dr. Phil says...the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Sure, maybe I could lose all this on my own. I don't know and I never will know. But I do know this: the gastric bypass is the one 'tool' I've never used to try to - finally - reach a healthy weight. In the past, I've tended to lose some then get bored or whatever and give up. And I could feel myself starting to think that way. It got harder and harder to stick to a healthy eating plan and drag myself to the pool. I had real doubts that I could keep up that pace long enough to lose all this weight. So I made the decision to go ahead with the surgery because I want a real chance to succeed this time. I'm almost 40; I need to stop playing around and get this weight off me.

I don't ever want to forget the woman in the first picture but she has to go. For good this time.