Ah, the excess skin issue. It doesn't go away for those of us who have lost massive amounts of weight.
Recently, an articleappeared in an area newspaper about a woman who lost weight successfully with weight-loss surgery but felt she needed to have the excess skin removed from her abdomen to feel "done". And she believes OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan) should pay for it.
I agree on both counts.
Ontario does cover a surgery called a panniculectomy under extenuating circumstances. "The pannus should hang below the level of the groin/pubis to qualify. In addition, the patient must have significant pain, chronic skin breakdown and recurrent infections and if the surgery is related to weight loss, the patient’s weight must be stable for at least six months." Ok. I get that.
I believe my excess skin keeps me from feeling like a success. I still have huge handfuls of skin around my stomach and it's really hard to feel like I've lost weight successfully sometimes. The reflection in the mirror is just "meh".
There are things that haven't changed for me, even though I've lost well over 200 pounds. I get in the shower and still have to lift up my stomach, make sure I get everything clean in the folds of flesh. This is reality, and it's no different than the way I showered when I was 444 pounds. Actually, there are MORE folds of flesh to worry about now, and my hanging stomach is heavier.
I still have to shop for longer tops to cover it up. It still hinders my intimate relationship with my husband. I have to buy a bigger size jean to get it over the stomach (stuffing it inside), then cinch a belt around my fairly small waist in order to be semi-comfortable....but I guess the bright side is at least I can wear jeans now!
I really do try to be one of those people who say "Screw the excess skin. I'm healthy now and that's what I focus on." But it's hard. It's a true psychological barrier I wasn't prepared for when I started to lose weight.
Not long ago, a "friend" told me "his wife said" if I'd lost weight "naturally", I wouldn't have excess skin. Thanks! While I know that statement is complete bullshit, it's just more guilt that I didn't do this the right way and the way I abused my body is something I chose and can't change.
Would I qualify for the panniculectomy? Probably. Friends who have been through the process tell me I would, without question. But I feel like I'm not small enough for it. I've gained a little bit over the past year and want to get that weight off before I try. That's all my fault, I realize that.
So the goal this year is to get that damn panniculectomy, at least. I think OHIP should pay for the full tummy tuck, but it is what it is. I need to get this skin off because it's starting to break me down psychologically, and is getting in the way of my maintenance. I can't let that happen.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Monday, December 10, 2012
Here's a tip for ya
'Tis the season to be inundated with "helpful" tips to keeping your waistline trim while you navigate your way through office parties, get-togethers with friends and celebrations with family. Here are my thoughts on this, likely to be controversial.
Isn't there enough to stress out about? Enjoy yourself a little bit. Why in the world would you have half an apple and a full glass of ice water (cold water revs up your metabolism; water fills you up; apples are loaded with water) at Aunt Mabel's house rather than enjoy a small slice of her homemade pie or shortbread? Honest to god, I don't get it.
I recently read that the average person gains one pound over the holidays. And even if you gain two or *gasp*...three, so freakin' what? Your routine will return to normal in January and it'll come off. Just live your life.
Have a cookie. Not the whole tin. Done.
And if you're one of those people who can't have one because one starts an avalanche, well, ok. But for most of us, we can live with it. I believe moderation is the key to living without deprivation. I don't believe you need to give up mashed potatoes or the occasional piece of pumpkin pie to have success. Relax and enjoy the holidays!
Now, off topic, if you don't follow Tony Posnanski, The Anti-Jared, you should. Especially on Facebook. His posts are awesome. Tony lost over 200 pounds and knows what he's talking about. Listen to him and get inspired.
Isn't there enough to stress out about? Enjoy yourself a little bit. Why in the world would you have half an apple and a full glass of ice water (cold water revs up your metabolism; water fills you up; apples are loaded with water) at Aunt Mabel's house rather than enjoy a small slice of her homemade pie or shortbread? Honest to god, I don't get it.
I recently read that the average person gains one pound over the holidays. And even if you gain two or *gasp*...three, so freakin' what? Your routine will return to normal in January and it'll come off. Just live your life.
Have a cookie. Not the whole tin. Done.
And if you're one of those people who can't have one because one starts an avalanche, well, ok. But for most of us, we can live with it. I believe moderation is the key to living without deprivation. I don't believe you need to give up mashed potatoes or the occasional piece of pumpkin pie to have success. Relax and enjoy the holidays!
Now, off topic, if you don't follow Tony Posnanski, The Anti-Jared, you should. Especially on Facebook. His posts are awesome. Tony lost over 200 pounds and knows what he's talking about. Listen to him and get inspired.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Fear and loathing
What are we afraid of?
I'm not talking about things like ghosts, spiders or heights. I'm talking about what it is we think will happen if we go for what we want. What's stopping us? What's stopping you? What's stopping me?
I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Making excuses for not having what we want...that is a form of self-flagellation, isn't it?
I don't have time.
I need to do 1), 2) and 3) first.
I don't possess the skills to have it.
Who do I think I am to want it?
What will people think?
What makes me think I can do it?
I don't deserve it.
I can't do it.
So we get into the cycle of desire, sabotage of procrastination, self-hatred for not achieving and finally acceptance of defeat. I know I've gone through this my whole life. While there have been times I've made some very big, outside-the-box decisions that have worked out well for me, I still lack the self-esteem in some areas that keeps me from having what I really want. By now, I should know and understand my abilities. But a lot of times I don't, and I know I'm not alone.
Why is that? It's like some of us are afraid of success. What do we think will happen if we succeed? Why is it scary?
I get angry at myself for doing this, which often makes things much worse. Anger turned inward is depression. Anger itself isn't a bad thing; it's just energy. But energy needs to be focused in a way that is useful to us. What would happen if we turned that energy on itself, channeling it into a way that can help us achieve what we want, what we deserve? If we do that, depression has no choice but to make room for comfort, complacency....success and happiness.
Happiness, my friends, is subconsciously terrifying for some. We all say we want it, but we put barriers between ourselves and that "goal" allll the time. Is it because we think if we achieve happiness, there will be nothing left to strive for? But there is always more. Always something new to keep us going. I think it has more to do with how we feel about ourselves. And we need to change that mindset to ever feel settled and satisfied.
Practice being good to yourself and searching for ways to direct anger, guilt and self-loathing into more positive pursuits. Think about what will make you happy. Why can't you have this? You know you can. Of course you can! Think of someone else who has what you want. They're no more deserving (often less so) than you are.
I'll try to remember my motto if you will: I am stronger than I think I am.
I'm not talking about things like ghosts, spiders or heights. I'm talking about what it is we think will happen if we go for what we want. What's stopping us? What's stopping you? What's stopping me?
I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Making excuses for not having what we want...that is a form of self-flagellation, isn't it?
I don't have time.
I need to do 1), 2) and 3) first.
I don't possess the skills to have it.
Who do I think I am to want it?
What will people think?
What makes me think I can do it?
I don't deserve it.
I can't do it.
So we get into the cycle of desire, sabotage of procrastination, self-hatred for not achieving and finally acceptance of defeat. I know I've gone through this my whole life. While there have been times I've made some very big, outside-the-box decisions that have worked out well for me, I still lack the self-esteem in some areas that keeps me from having what I really want. By now, I should know and understand my abilities. But a lot of times I don't, and I know I'm not alone.
Why is that? It's like some of us are afraid of success. What do we think will happen if we succeed? Why is it scary?
I get angry at myself for doing this, which often makes things much worse. Anger turned inward is depression. Anger itself isn't a bad thing; it's just energy. But energy needs to be focused in a way that is useful to us. What would happen if we turned that energy on itself, channeling it into a way that can help us achieve what we want, what we deserve? If we do that, depression has no choice but to make room for comfort, complacency....success and happiness.
Happiness, my friends, is subconsciously terrifying for some. We all say we want it, but we put barriers between ourselves and that "goal" allll the time. Is it because we think if we achieve happiness, there will be nothing left to strive for? But there is always more. Always something new to keep us going. I think it has more to do with how we feel about ourselves. And we need to change that mindset to ever feel settled and satisfied.
Practice being good to yourself and searching for ways to direct anger, guilt and self-loathing into more positive pursuits. Think about what will make you happy. Why can't you have this? You know you can. Of course you can! Think of someone else who has what you want. They're no more deserving (often less so) than you are.
I'll try to remember my motto if you will: I am stronger than I think I am.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
The 10K Route
You all know my motto is "You are stronger than you think you are." The reason I tell myself this all the time - and ask you to do the same - is it's true. My body continually surprises me with what it can do.
My 10K was this past Sunday and well, I did great! Smashed my goal of 1:45 and really proved to myself that when I want to, I can achieve a lot more than I think.
Chip time (each bib was outfitted with a timer): 1:35:09
Place: 123 (out of 262 entrants, 227 finishers)
Gender place: 84 (out of 167 female finishers)
This isn't bad, in my opinion, in a race that featured competitive walkers. It was also my first attempt at a 10K. I'm pretty pleased with these results. My only complaint was the timer at the finish line seemed to be off. When I crossed the finish line, the time I saw said 1:30:21. I was REALLY happy about that! So when I saw the chip times posted, I was a little disappointed. Still a good time, but not what I'd originally thought.
When Erich and I picked up my race kit the day before the race, they took one look at me and said "You might want the 2X. The shirts are fitting small." Excuse me? LOL! I registered for the women's XL and the guy was right; I ended up with a men's 2X, not the women's 2X (which is smaller). These were the tiniest, tightest, most unflattering shirts I've ever seen in my life. Like they wanted us to channel Lance Armstrong or something, in his yellow Tour de France jersey. Here's me before the race (ignore the desperate need for a tummy tuck):
It was cold on race day but the sun was shining. No rain, as was forecast. I swear....you'd think that as time goes on, advancing technology would enable weather forecasting to be more and more accurate. Erich and I both think the opposite is happening. You can truly have no faith in the forecast. Just wait and look outside. Don't make plans based on what the weather guy says!
The course was very hilly. After about the 4th hill, I grumbled "Jesus, who mapped this course out??" All I kept thinking was I had to do it all over again because the 10K was essentially two loops of the 5K.
Halfway point:
It took me 45 minutes to get to this point. To put that in perspective, it took me 47 minutes to do the Father's Day 5K in June...and I jogged for some of that. WTF? I was seriously surprised at my time. But I didn't think I could keep up the pace because of those hills.
But I did! Well, pretty much, anyway! I don't mind saying I was really proud of myself. As I crossed the finish line and they put that medal around my neck, I could see Erich there with the camera pointed at me, huge smile on his face. I went straight to him and got my hug & kiss. My husband rocks.
Finish line:
Red face, as usual:
My knees held up fine during the race, but it was a different story when I got home and the next day. I was pretty sore. Lots of ice and Tylenol Arthritis. Sunday night, I went to my coffee meeting that I wrote about in my last blog. I nearly fell asleep and had to leave early. Wiped out!
But by Tuesday, I was pretty much back to normal. My body bounces back quickly now and again...I am stronger than I think I am. It's very important to push yourself because trust me, you are capable of a lot if you just believe.
Our brains tell us lies, and if we listen, we cost ourselves surprises. - Andrew Zimmern
I have another 5K this Sunday, the CIBC Run for the Cure, an event that benefits the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. I did it last year and I have no doubt that I'll beat my time. Forecast is for rain and cold again. Suuureeeee. We'll see!
My 10K was this past Sunday and well, I did great! Smashed my goal of 1:45 and really proved to myself that when I want to, I can achieve a lot more than I think.
Chip time (each bib was outfitted with a timer): 1:35:09
Place: 123 (out of 262 entrants, 227 finishers)
Gender place: 84 (out of 167 female finishers)
This isn't bad, in my opinion, in a race that featured competitive walkers. It was also my first attempt at a 10K. I'm pretty pleased with these results. My only complaint was the timer at the finish line seemed to be off. When I crossed the finish line, the time I saw said 1:30:21. I was REALLY happy about that! So when I saw the chip times posted, I was a little disappointed. Still a good time, but not what I'd originally thought.
When Erich and I picked up my race kit the day before the race, they took one look at me and said "You might want the 2X. The shirts are fitting small." Excuse me? LOL! I registered for the women's XL and the guy was right; I ended up with a men's 2X, not the women's 2X (which is smaller). These were the tiniest, tightest, most unflattering shirts I've ever seen in my life. Like they wanted us to channel Lance Armstrong or something, in his yellow Tour de France jersey. Here's me before the race (ignore the desperate need for a tummy tuck):
It was cold on race day but the sun was shining. No rain, as was forecast. I swear....you'd think that as time goes on, advancing technology would enable weather forecasting to be more and more accurate. Erich and I both think the opposite is happening. You can truly have no faith in the forecast. Just wait and look outside. Don't make plans based on what the weather guy says!
The course was very hilly. After about the 4th hill, I grumbled "Jesus, who mapped this course out??" All I kept thinking was I had to do it all over again because the 10K was essentially two loops of the 5K.
Halfway point:
It took me 45 minutes to get to this point. To put that in perspective, it took me 47 minutes to do the Father's Day 5K in June...and I jogged for some of that. WTF? I was seriously surprised at my time. But I didn't think I could keep up the pace because of those hills.
But I did! Well, pretty much, anyway! I don't mind saying I was really proud of myself. As I crossed the finish line and they put that medal around my neck, I could see Erich there with the camera pointed at me, huge smile on his face. I went straight to him and got my hug & kiss. My husband rocks.
Finish line:
Red face, as usual:
My knees held up fine during the race, but it was a different story when I got home and the next day. I was pretty sore. Lots of ice and Tylenol Arthritis. Sunday night, I went to my coffee meeting that I wrote about in my last blog. I nearly fell asleep and had to leave early. Wiped out!
But by Tuesday, I was pretty much back to normal. My body bounces back quickly now and again...I am stronger than I think I am. It's very important to push yourself because trust me, you are capable of a lot if you just believe.
Our brains tell us lies, and if we listen, we cost ourselves surprises. - Andrew Zimmern
I have another 5K this Sunday, the CIBC Run for the Cure, an event that benefits the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. I did it last year and I have no doubt that I'll beat my time. Forecast is for rain and cold again. Suuureeeee. We'll see!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Final countdown
Tomorrow, I'll participate in my first 10K "race", Minds in Motion KW Walking Classic, a competitive walk that funds good shoes for people using exercise to recover from mental illness.
I feel ready for it. I've been training for eight weeks and while I have by no means been perfect, I've stuck to the schedule pretty well. My knees are "meh"....they're ok but it is what it is. For some reason, my right ankle started feeling wonky yesterday. So whatever that's all about. We'll see how it goes. But all in all, I'm feeling good about it.
The race starts at 9am. My poor husband will go with me at what is, for him, an UNGODLY early hour. He will wait for me in the cold and rain (yes, that is the weather forecast) all so he can take a picture of me crossing the finish line, give me a big hug and kiss, and tell me how proud he is of me. Pretty special.
So cross your fingers and toes for me that all goes well! I'm pretty excited!
Then next weekend, I will participate in my second CIBC Run for the Cure, a 5K event that benefits the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. I did the event last year. It was my first such undertaking and took me a little over an hour to finish. I injured my knee the night before so I always wondered if that had anything to do with what I considered a slow time. Next week, I'll find out for sure. It took me 45 minutes to do the Father's Day 5K, so I know I can do better than an hour.
It took me just under two hours to complete the dry run of the 10K that I did a couple Saturdays ago. Walking, mind you, no running allowed. People who run in the KW Walking Classic get disqualified, so I've been really trying to curb my desire to at least trot when the music on my mp3 player gets me going. So walking and stopping for crosswalks, traffic, strollers and dogs (not allowed on the route Sunday). I'm hoping to slash that two hours by at least 10 minutes.
In other news, I've been meaning to write a little about a new, local support group I joined. It's a very simple, casual group of people in various stages of their weight loss-surgery journeys getting together for coffee and our crazy version of fellowship. I gotta tell ya, I love these people. I haven't met one yet that I wouldn't want to take a road trip with!
The local support group is part of a larger network called the Community of Bariatric Patients of Southern Ontario. An overnight meet-and-greet is being held in Sarnia next month so everyone can get to know each other even better. I'd love to tell you I was attending but I'm not. Too short notice, most people have roommates already and it's too close to Halloween! I can't miss our annual viewing of "Rocky Horror Picture Show". LOL! Next year.
If there's a single regret I have about getting my surgery in Detroit instead of Ontario, it's that I missed out on things like this. I should've been with these people for 3 years, not 3 months. But oh well. I know about it now and I'm all in! As I've said many times before, support is so important.
I feel ready for it. I've been training for eight weeks and while I have by no means been perfect, I've stuck to the schedule pretty well. My knees are "meh"....they're ok but it is what it is. For some reason, my right ankle started feeling wonky yesterday. So whatever that's all about. We'll see how it goes. But all in all, I'm feeling good about it.
The race starts at 9am. My poor husband will go with me at what is, for him, an UNGODLY early hour. He will wait for me in the cold and rain (yes, that is the weather forecast) all so he can take a picture of me crossing the finish line, give me a big hug and kiss, and tell me how proud he is of me. Pretty special.
So cross your fingers and toes for me that all goes well! I'm pretty excited!
Then next weekend, I will participate in my second CIBC Run for the Cure, a 5K event that benefits the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. I did the event last year. It was my first such undertaking and took me a little over an hour to finish. I injured my knee the night before so I always wondered if that had anything to do with what I considered a slow time. Next week, I'll find out for sure. It took me 45 minutes to do the Father's Day 5K, so I know I can do better than an hour.
It took me just under two hours to complete the dry run of the 10K that I did a couple Saturdays ago. Walking, mind you, no running allowed. People who run in the KW Walking Classic get disqualified, so I've been really trying to curb my desire to at least trot when the music on my mp3 player gets me going. So walking and stopping for crosswalks, traffic, strollers and dogs (not allowed on the route Sunday). I'm hoping to slash that two hours by at least 10 minutes.
In other news, I've been meaning to write a little about a new, local support group I joined. It's a very simple, casual group of people in various stages of their weight loss-surgery journeys getting together for coffee and our crazy version of fellowship. I gotta tell ya, I love these people. I haven't met one yet that I wouldn't want to take a road trip with!
The local support group is part of a larger network called the Community of Bariatric Patients of Southern Ontario. An overnight meet-and-greet is being held in Sarnia next month so everyone can get to know each other even better. I'd love to tell you I was attending but I'm not. Too short notice, most people have roommates already and it's too close to Halloween! I can't miss our annual viewing of "Rocky Horror Picture Show". LOL! Next year.
If there's a single regret I have about getting my surgery in Detroit instead of Ontario, it's that I missed out on things like this. I should've been with these people for 3 years, not 3 months. But oh well. I know about it now and I'm all in! As I've said many times before, support is so important.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
The big week!
First off, be sure to tune in to the premiere episode of The Ricki Lake Show tomorrow, Monday, September 10, to check out the segment featuring Michelle Vicari - better known as the brains behind The World According to Eggface. I've featured her link on my blog since the beginning. She has helped so many people with her fabulous (!!) recipes and support. Now it's time to support her - and ALL of us!. First Beth on Nightline and now this. Good stuff.
Pretty big week coming up! Three concerts lined up. Madonna at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto on Wednesday; Loretta Lynn here in Kitchener at Centre in the Square on Thursday; then a quick overnighter to Flat Rock, Michigan with a few friends to see Bo (as in Bice. Are you paying attention?). Erich isn't going with me this time because I need to do this as cheaply as possible. He understands Bo is good for my soul and it will do me a world of good to see him and all my friends. I've seen Madonna once before but hey...it's Madonna! Very psyched about that! I grew up listening to Loretta Lynn. My mother's family is from southern Kentucky and I feel a certain kinship with her. I've lost count of the times I've seen "Coal Miner's Daughter". Her people are like my people. Seeing her is a bucket-list thing. Can't wait.
"Sons of Anarchy" season premier Tuesday. What, you don't watch that? Are you crazy? Here's a good reason why you should start. Happy viewing (click to enlarge):
Yesterday, as part of my 10K training, I did a dry run of the "race". Lately, I've been walking a lot outside because - one - I'd probably slit my wrists if I had to do more than a 5K on a treadmill and - two - the event will be outside so it's best to get acclimated to that environment. Twice I forgot to put on sunscreen and came home pretty tomato-y. I am a very white Irish girl and will redden after about 15 minutes in direct sunlight. Maybe I'm also a vampire. Who Knows What, right?
Anyway...no sunscreen needed yesterday! It was very dark and gloomy. And COLD! Windy! That sort of weather aggravates my knee arthritis and makes my head pound with sinus pressure. Did you hear that whining? Yeah, that was me. I loaded up on some drugs, put on a hooded windbreaker and went on my way. I did get rained on but it was all good. About 3/4 the way through it, the sun came out and it warmed up. And I did something new that I forgot I was able to.
I took off my jacket and tied the arms around my waist so I wouldn't have to carry it.
Now, if you've never been obese, you are probably thinking "So what?" Well, that's something morbidly obese people don't do. Because they can't. Personally, I haven't been able to do that since...elementary school, maybe? I don't know. I just know that whenever one of my friends tied a jacket around his or her waist, I slung mine over my forearm and wished I could do that. And yesterday, it took me a second before I realized I probably could now, and tried it. Such a small victory but it definitely made me smile and feel "normal".
In a cardiovascular sense, the 10K is not that tough. In a knee-and-lower-back pain sense, it's not. A visit to the chiropractor is in order before I do this for real. And even my knee braces didn't protect me from the need to ice them down this morning. The morning after...that's when the shit gets real, right? Yeah, I'm pretty sore this morning. Again with the drugs. But it's all good.
Pretty big week coming up! Three concerts lined up. Madonna at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto on Wednesday; Loretta Lynn here in Kitchener at Centre in the Square on Thursday; then a quick overnighter to Flat Rock, Michigan with a few friends to see Bo (as in Bice. Are you paying attention?). Erich isn't going with me this time because I need to do this as cheaply as possible. He understands Bo is good for my soul and it will do me a world of good to see him and all my friends. I've seen Madonna once before but hey...it's Madonna! Very psyched about that! I grew up listening to Loretta Lynn. My mother's family is from southern Kentucky and I feel a certain kinship with her. I've lost count of the times I've seen "Coal Miner's Daughter". Her people are like my people. Seeing her is a bucket-list thing. Can't wait.
"Sons of Anarchy" season premier Tuesday. What, you don't watch that? Are you crazy? Here's a good reason why you should start. Happy viewing (click to enlarge):
Yesterday, as part of my 10K training, I did a dry run of the "race". Lately, I've been walking a lot outside because - one - I'd probably slit my wrists if I had to do more than a 5K on a treadmill and - two - the event will be outside so it's best to get acclimated to that environment. Twice I forgot to put on sunscreen and came home pretty tomato-y. I am a very white Irish girl and will redden after about 15 minutes in direct sunlight. Maybe I'm also a vampire. Who Knows What, right?
Anyway...no sunscreen needed yesterday! It was very dark and gloomy. And COLD! Windy! That sort of weather aggravates my knee arthritis and makes my head pound with sinus pressure. Did you hear that whining? Yeah, that was me. I loaded up on some drugs, put on a hooded windbreaker and went on my way. I did get rained on but it was all good. About 3/4 the way through it, the sun came out and it warmed up. And I did something new that I forgot I was able to.
I took off my jacket and tied the arms around my waist so I wouldn't have to carry it.
Now, if you've never been obese, you are probably thinking "So what?" Well, that's something morbidly obese people don't do. Because they can't. Personally, I haven't been able to do that since...elementary school, maybe? I don't know. I just know that whenever one of my friends tied a jacket around his or her waist, I slung mine over my forearm and wished I could do that. And yesterday, it took me a second before I realized I probably could now, and tried it. Such a small victory but it definitely made me smile and feel "normal".
In a cardiovascular sense, the 10K is not that tough. In a knee-and-lower-back pain sense, it's not. A visit to the chiropractor is in order before I do this for real. And even my knee braces didn't protect me from the need to ice them down this morning. The morning after...that's when the shit gets real, right? Yeah, I'm pretty sore this morning. Again with the drugs. But it's all good.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Who Says You Can't Go Home?
Ok, so I've been really busy lately and learning things about me more and more. I consistently underestimate myself, even though I'm the same person who lost 250 pounds and completely changed my life. That, all by itself, should let me know that I am capable of pretty much anything.
During the first week of August, I went home to Ohio for a week-long visit with my parents and old friends. Maybe I am truly blessed but I am someone who can always go home:
The week started off with a family reunion, continued with fabulous lunches, coffees, shopping and dinners with old friends. My days were busy with activity and my nights were spent chilling out at the house with my parents. It was a good trip, just what I need every time I make it. Here's a photo of my parents and me, right before we left to come back to Ontario (click to enlarge):
We took only one day trip to Serpent Mount, the largest prehistoric effigy mound in the world...conveniently located about 20 minutes from my parents' house. Erich has seen the mound featured on television specials on the Sci-Fi and History Channel and always wanted to go there but for some reason, we never got around to it. This year, we did. I hadn't been there myself since a grade-school field trip. It was a pretty cool place and definitely worth the trip. While there, we climbed the observation tower to have a look at the mound from above. As I ascended the stairs, I couldn't help but think this was yet another thing I would never have attempted pre-op. We had someone else up there take our photo (click to enlarge):
I continued my 10K training in Ohio - as I mentioned in my last blog, the local YMCA offered me a free guest membership while I was there. The facilities were very good and made it easy for me to get my workouts in. I would get up and go in the morning, before Erich woke up and we started our day.
Of course, one of the perks of crossing the border is getting all the goodies that aren't available here, especially to those of us who have had gastric bypass surgery. The sugar-free syrups to put in our protein shakes, the MUCH larger varieties of low-fat and sugar-free food...and the much lower prices of things that can be found here. Everyone...EVERYONE...loads up on supplies when in the States. Here's my haul:
A variety box of low-sugar oatmeal! Cool flavours of protein bars and Mio! Torani syrup AND...I found sugar-free syrups at Ollie's and the dollar store for....wait for it...ONE DOLLAR. And yes, they were sweetened with Splenda. I would've bought an entire case if they would've had it. OMG. I was so happy. LOL! That big bottle of sugar-free maple syrup there in the middle? That costs less than a bottle almost half its size here. I had my dad order high-dosage calcium supplements from GNC; not available in Canada. Nice haul.
Right after I came back, I had to get super focused at work because my supervisor was going on vacation for two weeks. We are the only two people left in my department so that meant I was alone. For two weeks, running the whole show by myself. I don't mind telling you I was pretty worried about this. There's a reason he's my supervisor and gets paid more than me - he does things I never do. And to be frank, I'm not too interested in learning the things he does without the bump in pay that should rightfully come with it. But I had no choice. I dread letting people down. I dread not rising to the occasion. Like most people, I think, but my drama-queen nature creates/amplifies crises on a regular basis. But I think I did a pretty good job, all in all. I didn't kill anyone so that's a plus. Seriously, I was fine about 95% of the time. I shake my head at myself...I really am a much more capable person than I realize.
You all are more capable than you realize. I sometimes need to be reminded of my own motto: You are stronger than you think you are. For sure!
During the first week of August, I went home to Ohio for a week-long visit with my parents and old friends. Maybe I am truly blessed but I am someone who can always go home:
The week started off with a family reunion, continued with fabulous lunches, coffees, shopping and dinners with old friends. My days were busy with activity and my nights were spent chilling out at the house with my parents. It was a good trip, just what I need every time I make it. Here's a photo of my parents and me, right before we left to come back to Ontario (click to enlarge):
We took only one day trip to Serpent Mount, the largest prehistoric effigy mound in the world...conveniently located about 20 minutes from my parents' house. Erich has seen the mound featured on television specials on the Sci-Fi and History Channel and always wanted to go there but for some reason, we never got around to it. This year, we did. I hadn't been there myself since a grade-school field trip. It was a pretty cool place and definitely worth the trip. While there, we climbed the observation tower to have a look at the mound from above. As I ascended the stairs, I couldn't help but think this was yet another thing I would never have attempted pre-op. We had someone else up there take our photo (click to enlarge):
I continued my 10K training in Ohio - as I mentioned in my last blog, the local YMCA offered me a free guest membership while I was there. The facilities were very good and made it easy for me to get my workouts in. I would get up and go in the morning, before Erich woke up and we started our day.
Of course, one of the perks of crossing the border is getting all the goodies that aren't available here, especially to those of us who have had gastric bypass surgery. The sugar-free syrups to put in our protein shakes, the MUCH larger varieties of low-fat and sugar-free food...and the much lower prices of things that can be found here. Everyone...EVERYONE...loads up on supplies when in the States. Here's my haul:
A variety box of low-sugar oatmeal! Cool flavours of protein bars and Mio! Torani syrup AND...I found sugar-free syrups at Ollie's and the dollar store for....wait for it...ONE DOLLAR. And yes, they were sweetened with Splenda. I would've bought an entire case if they would've had it. OMG. I was so happy. LOL! That big bottle of sugar-free maple syrup there in the middle? That costs less than a bottle almost half its size here. I had my dad order high-dosage calcium supplements from GNC; not available in Canada. Nice haul.
Right after I came back, I had to get super focused at work because my supervisor was going on vacation for two weeks. We are the only two people left in my department so that meant I was alone. For two weeks, running the whole show by myself. I don't mind telling you I was pretty worried about this. There's a reason he's my supervisor and gets paid more than me - he does things I never do. And to be frank, I'm not too interested in learning the things he does without the bump in pay that should rightfully come with it. But I had no choice. I dread letting people down. I dread not rising to the occasion. Like most people, I think, but my drama-queen nature creates/amplifies crises on a regular basis. But I think I did a pretty good job, all in all. I didn't kill anyone so that's a plus. Seriously, I was fine about 95% of the time. I shake my head at myself...I really am a much more capable person than I realize.
You all are more capable than you realize. I sometimes need to be reminded of my own motto: You are stronger than you think you are. For sure!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Let the games begin!
So as I reported a couple of weeks ago, I signed up for a walking 10K to celebrate my re-birthday. The Minds in Motion website includes helpful training schedules for their races; I just completed week one and am proud to say that I not only lived through it but I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Getting back into the gym at least 4 days a week has been really good for me. I had been walking/jogging a lot outside but during the heatwave, well, I did pretty much nothing. Having this schedule in front of me and knowing I need to adhere to it in order to complete the 10K safely and efficiently, helps (click to enlarge).
The race isn't until September 23, so I didn't need to start training until tomorrow but I figured I'd go ahead - I was pretty excited to start, actually! I'm a very visual person and I love seeing this schedule. I can see me doing many more events like this with a goal in mind and a clear path to getting there.
Since I'm American, my copy of the schedule has a little key written off to the left side with the mile equivalent of the kilometers! And - you might be surprised to hear this - I've never been on a treadmill here that had a kilometer feature. They're all in miles. Very odd. So...for those who are interested...
3K = 1.86 miles
4K = 2.49 miles
5K = 3.1 miles
6K = 3.73 miles
7K = 4.35 miles
8K = 5 miles
9K = 5.6 miles
10K = 6.2 miles
I like that the "rest" days are Friday and Sunday. With Erich working nights Monday to Thursday, Fridays are special to us. We often go out to dinner then chill out in front of the tube, catching up on those things we forget to mention during our nightly phone calls. Same with Sunday - it's our lazy day. I often work out Saturdays before he gets up, so this is perfect.
The week went pretty well. I strapped on my braces, downed a preventive dose of Tylenol Arthritis and took off to the gym. So far, so good! I am continually surprised by how in shape I am. The fact that I can work all day then go to a 5K isn't anything new - I've done it before - but it still surprises me.
Well, maybe not work ALL day. I'm getting off earlier and earlier. Which is good for gym time, but bad for the pocketbook. Anyone have a job for me out there!?!
For my first "cross train" day, I did an abs workout video. I felt it for a few days! That's probably a sign I need to do it more often.
The Olympics began over the weekend and with me doing this piddly little training schedule, it got me to thinking about what they go through. Such intense training. Hours a day for years. Now that's dedication worthy of admiration and respect.
This time next week, I will be in Ohio for a week to attend my family's annual reunion and visit old friends and stomping grounds! There is a YMCA about 15 minutes from my parents' house and I have contacted them about training there. The manager assured me he would give me a pass to use for the week. Awesome! I was totally prepared to pay so that was a nice gesture on his part. Priority number one when we get down there will be to go get that pass.
Random cool event: Bought a pair of Dr. Scholls walking shoes yesterday since I wanted to have a pair that weren't my normal running shoes; I need a pair to use when I have to walk around all day at an event. They were priced $35. Ok, fine. Well....they scanned at $3.00. That's right. THREE. The checkout lady definitely noticed it but said "I'm not telling anyone. Go get you another pair!" LOL! They didn't have any more in my size, or I would've. Too cool, huh? Every now and then, karma smiles.
Getting back into the gym at least 4 days a week has been really good for me. I had been walking/jogging a lot outside but during the heatwave, well, I did pretty much nothing. Having this schedule in front of me and knowing I need to adhere to it in order to complete the 10K safely and efficiently, helps (click to enlarge).
The race isn't until September 23, so I didn't need to start training until tomorrow but I figured I'd go ahead - I was pretty excited to start, actually! I'm a very visual person and I love seeing this schedule. I can see me doing many more events like this with a goal in mind and a clear path to getting there.
Since I'm American, my copy of the schedule has a little key written off to the left side with the mile equivalent of the kilometers! And - you might be surprised to hear this - I've never been on a treadmill here that had a kilometer feature. They're all in miles. Very odd. So...for those who are interested...
3K = 1.86 miles
4K = 2.49 miles
5K = 3.1 miles
6K = 3.73 miles
7K = 4.35 miles
8K = 5 miles
9K = 5.6 miles
10K = 6.2 miles
I like that the "rest" days are Friday and Sunday. With Erich working nights Monday to Thursday, Fridays are special to us. We often go out to dinner then chill out in front of the tube, catching up on those things we forget to mention during our nightly phone calls. Same with Sunday - it's our lazy day. I often work out Saturdays before he gets up, so this is perfect.
The week went pretty well. I strapped on my braces, downed a preventive dose of Tylenol Arthritis and took off to the gym. So far, so good! I am continually surprised by how in shape I am. The fact that I can work all day then go to a 5K isn't anything new - I've done it before - but it still surprises me.
Well, maybe not work ALL day. I'm getting off earlier and earlier. Which is good for gym time, but bad for the pocketbook. Anyone have a job for me out there!?!
For my first "cross train" day, I did an abs workout video. I felt it for a few days! That's probably a sign I need to do it more often.
The Olympics began over the weekend and with me doing this piddly little training schedule, it got me to thinking about what they go through. Such intense training. Hours a day for years. Now that's dedication worthy of admiration and respect.
This time next week, I will be in Ohio for a week to attend my family's annual reunion and visit old friends and stomping grounds! There is a YMCA about 15 minutes from my parents' house and I have contacted them about training there. The manager assured me he would give me a pass to use for the week. Awesome! I was totally prepared to pay so that was a nice gesture on his part. Priority number one when we get down there will be to go get that pass.
Random cool event: Bought a pair of Dr. Scholls walking shoes yesterday since I wanted to have a pair that weren't my normal running shoes; I need a pair to use when I have to walk around all day at an event. They were priced $35. Ok, fine. Well....they scanned at $3.00. That's right. THREE. The checkout lady definitely noticed it but said "I'm not telling anyone. Go get you another pair!" LOL! They didn't have any more in my size, or I would've. Too cool, huh? Every now and then, karma smiles.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Guilty as charged
There is a lot of guilt in obesity recovery - which is what I call the time when we are losing weight and doing a pretty good job of keeping it off.
Probably the first guilt comes when you eat something you know you shouldn't have. It happens to everyone. There is also guilt when you miss a workout. But I'm talking about something on a deeper level.
"What did I do to myself?"
Everyone who has lost a significant amount of weight gets that thought in his or her head. Why did I let it get so bad? Someone asked me that recently, actually...and no I didn't punch him in the face. Because he was right. I hated the question and his nerve pissed me off, but why did I let myself get to almost 500 pounds? There are no easy answers, really. I can only blame a form of mental illness. Some people never feel the need to drink a beer in their life; others drink themselves to death. I was eating myself into the grave and while I knew it, I couldn't seem to make myself stop it. There's a whole lot of "WHY?" going on in my head. My life could've been so much better if I'd taken control of things at 20 instead of 40. Whenever I look at the pounds of loose skin that I'll never be able to remove, I feel guilt. I did this to myself and there's no one to blame but me. It's sometimes a tough pill to swallow.
Here's a Dr. Phil-ism: The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for one year is being in one for one year and one day. Amen and goodnight. I made the change when I did and that's that. Look forward.
"I wish I could help him/her."
When I see a severely morbidly obese person on the street, I want to help them. I feel a sense of guilt that somehow I found relief from that misery and I want to share knowledge with them. It doesn't seem right that I'm living my life and they can barely walk and breathe. Maybe it's a form of survivor's guilt. I'm on the shoreline, safe, but they're still sinking.
"I had no complications (sorry)."
Seriously speaking, I had pretty much zero complications with my surgery. Nothing. I have only dumped once (I think it was a dump...albeit a very minor one) and beyond some nausea or vomiting when I ate/eat the wrong thing or too much, too fast, that has been it my friends. I lost weight quickly and without incident. My surgeon called me "a star." Textbook, right? So when I hear about patients who end up back in the hospital or dump after a cough drop, I feel guilty. DAMN! I got off easy. I did exactly as I was told, of course, and I do think that helped me. But then I also know there are people who follow doctor's orders very well and still have random crap.
"Did I take the easy way out?"
Some weight-loss surgery patients fight this mentality allll the time. Of course, some feel no guilt at all about the method they used to become healthy. I admit I do to a certain extent. My path - at first - was indeed a bit easier than someone who has not had "the surgery". If there wasn't some benefit or advantage, I wouldn't have had the procedure. I have friends who have lost a lot of weight the "old-fashioned way". And yes, sometimes, I feel inferior to them. I am sure there are outsiders who feel those people are stronger than me, have more discipline than me. Maybe they're right. I dunno. What I do I know is it takes a lot to get here where I am. It's bad enough that others think I did this the easy way and maybe am not totally deserving of admiration or success; my job is to not let them get into my own head and make me feel guilty because of my method.
Here's a question for you: Is guilt useful? Does it keep you in line? Sure it does, in some ways. You will feel guilty if you have the second piece of cake (and likely sick as a dog, too), so you put it down. When someone asks you about the gym, you will feel guilty if you haven't been there in two weeks, so you go. All of this can make you follow your plan more diligently. Nothing wrong with that!
However, guilt can also eat you alive. I shouldn't feel badly about my success or the method I chose to get here, for example. We're all a work in progress and need to remember how valuable we are; self-worth and self-awareness is the key. Everything else is white noise. Tune it out.
Probably the first guilt comes when you eat something you know you shouldn't have. It happens to everyone. There is also guilt when you miss a workout. But I'm talking about something on a deeper level.
"What did I do to myself?"
Everyone who has lost a significant amount of weight gets that thought in his or her head. Why did I let it get so bad? Someone asked me that recently, actually...and no I didn't punch him in the face. Because he was right. I hated the question and his nerve pissed me off, but why did I let myself get to almost 500 pounds? There are no easy answers, really. I can only blame a form of mental illness. Some people never feel the need to drink a beer in their life; others drink themselves to death. I was eating myself into the grave and while I knew it, I couldn't seem to make myself stop it. There's a whole lot of "WHY?" going on in my head. My life could've been so much better if I'd taken control of things at 20 instead of 40. Whenever I look at the pounds of loose skin that I'll never be able to remove, I feel guilt. I did this to myself and there's no one to blame but me. It's sometimes a tough pill to swallow.
Here's a Dr. Phil-ism: The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for one year is being in one for one year and one day. Amen and goodnight. I made the change when I did and that's that. Look forward.
"I wish I could help him/her."
When I see a severely morbidly obese person on the street, I want to help them. I feel a sense of guilt that somehow I found relief from that misery and I want to share knowledge with them. It doesn't seem right that I'm living my life and they can barely walk and breathe. Maybe it's a form of survivor's guilt. I'm on the shoreline, safe, but they're still sinking.
"I had no complications (sorry)."
Seriously speaking, I had pretty much zero complications with my surgery. Nothing. I have only dumped once (I think it was a dump...albeit a very minor one) and beyond some nausea or vomiting when I ate/eat the wrong thing or too much, too fast, that has been it my friends. I lost weight quickly and without incident. My surgeon called me "a star." Textbook, right? So when I hear about patients who end up back in the hospital or dump after a cough drop, I feel guilty. DAMN! I got off easy. I did exactly as I was told, of course, and I do think that helped me. But then I also know there are people who follow doctor's orders very well and still have random crap.
"Did I take the easy way out?"
Some weight-loss surgery patients fight this mentality allll the time. Of course, some feel no guilt at all about the method they used to become healthy. I admit I do to a certain extent. My path - at first - was indeed a bit easier than someone who has not had "the surgery". If there wasn't some benefit or advantage, I wouldn't have had the procedure. I have friends who have lost a lot of weight the "old-fashioned way". And yes, sometimes, I feel inferior to them. I am sure there are outsiders who feel those people are stronger than me, have more discipline than me. Maybe they're right. I dunno. What I do I know is it takes a lot to get here where I am. It's bad enough that others think I did this the easy way and maybe am not totally deserving of admiration or success; my job is to not let them get into my own head and make me feel guilty because of my method.
Here's a question for you: Is guilt useful? Does it keep you in line? Sure it does, in some ways. You will feel guilty if you have the second piece of cake (and likely sick as a dog, too), so you put it down. When someone asks you about the gym, you will feel guilty if you haven't been there in two weeks, so you go. All of this can make you follow your plan more diligently. Nothing wrong with that!
However, guilt can also eat you alive. I shouldn't feel badly about my success or the method I chose to get here, for example. We're all a work in progress and need to remember how valuable we are; self-worth and self-awareness is the key. Everything else is white noise. Tune it out.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Three is a magic number
Yesterday was my 3rd rebirth-day, as my husband calls it. The anniversary of my surgery and the day my life changed forever. Changing for the better every day!
Erich and I went to Stratford and took a relaxing boat tour of the Avon River. It was a beautiful day and strolling around the water watching the swans was what I needed after a week of very intense work-related stress. Celebrating low-key.
My other re-birthday gift to myself was signing up for my first 10K. I think I'm ready for a new challenge. My knees - with braces on them both - held out pretty well for the Father's Day 5K. So I'm gearing up for the Minds in Motion K-W Walking Classic on September 23. Yes, I will walk it. For some reason, people tend to make you feel badly for not running. I'm taking baby steps here - my knees thank me for it. There was also a half marathon option but nope. Not yet. Sorry!!
I posted this picture on Facebook yesterday morning and had such an overwhelming response of support from my awesome friends and family. The photo on the left was taken in December, 2008 - two months before my first visit to the surgeon in Detroit. The pic on the right was taken on Father's Day this year during the 5K I participated in for prostate cancer awareness and research.
I've said it before, but I bear no ill will to the woman on the left. She was brave and strong enough to save herself and I am grateful to her. I'm not one of those people who cringe at my 'before' photos. I still don't really recognize the woman on the right. I know it's me, but it still doesn't seem like me.
Three years seems like a long time yet it also seems like yesterday. I've learned a lot. A lot about me and those around me. Here are the top three things I know to be true:
3. I am stronger than I think I am. Who would've ever thought I could do this? Certainly not me. I mean, I wouldn't have started it if I didn't want it but I have been successful beyond my own expectations and surprised myself with my fabulous-ness!!
2. Support is the most important ingredient to inspiration and therefore, success. When you think you can't go on, there will be someone, somewhere, to let you know YOU CAN. You will. You must. It could be your partner, parent, child, friend, a stranger on tv or in a magazine. Someone. Support comes from unexpected sources, let me tell you, as does apathy. You might learn who really has your back and who doesn't; I sure did.
1. The journey never ends. It just goes on and morphs into something different as time goes by. The new normal is you being healthy, positive, looking out for yourself. Taking care of yourself. Goals are important - maintenance itself can be a goal but for me, I'm learning I need new challenges. New reasons to push myself to maintain health. Hence the 10K signup.
Let's toast to Three. It's a magic number! :)
Erich and I went to Stratford and took a relaxing boat tour of the Avon River. It was a beautiful day and strolling around the water watching the swans was what I needed after a week of very intense work-related stress. Celebrating low-key.
My other re-birthday gift to myself was signing up for my first 10K. I think I'm ready for a new challenge. My knees - with braces on them both - held out pretty well for the Father's Day 5K. So I'm gearing up for the Minds in Motion K-W Walking Classic on September 23. Yes, I will walk it. For some reason, people tend to make you feel badly for not running. I'm taking baby steps here - my knees thank me for it. There was also a half marathon option but nope. Not yet. Sorry!!
I posted this picture on Facebook yesterday morning and had such an overwhelming response of support from my awesome friends and family. The photo on the left was taken in December, 2008 - two months before my first visit to the surgeon in Detroit. The pic on the right was taken on Father's Day this year during the 5K I participated in for prostate cancer awareness and research.
I've said it before, but I bear no ill will to the woman on the left. She was brave and strong enough to save herself and I am grateful to her. I'm not one of those people who cringe at my 'before' photos. I still don't really recognize the woman on the right. I know it's me, but it still doesn't seem like me.
Three years seems like a long time yet it also seems like yesterday. I've learned a lot. A lot about me and those around me. Here are the top three things I know to be true:
3. I am stronger than I think I am. Who would've ever thought I could do this? Certainly not me. I mean, I wouldn't have started it if I didn't want it but I have been successful beyond my own expectations and surprised myself with my fabulous-ness!!
2. Support is the most important ingredient to inspiration and therefore, success. When you think you can't go on, there will be someone, somewhere, to let you know YOU CAN. You will. You must. It could be your partner, parent, child, friend, a stranger on tv or in a magazine. Someone. Support comes from unexpected sources, let me tell you, as does apathy. You might learn who really has your back and who doesn't; I sure did.
1. The journey never ends. It just goes on and morphs into something different as time goes by. The new normal is you being healthy, positive, looking out for yourself. Taking care of yourself. Goals are important - maintenance itself can be a goal but for me, I'm learning I need new challenges. New reasons to push myself to maintain health. Hence the 10K signup.
Let's toast to Three. It's a magic number! :)
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