Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Ok, so I've been really busy lately and learning things about me more and more. I consistently underestimate myself, even though I'm the same person who lost 250 pounds and completely changed my life. That, all by itself, should let me know that I am capable of pretty much anything.

During the first week of August, I went home to Ohio for a week-long visit with my parents and old friends. Maybe I am truly blessed but I am someone who can always go home:



The week started off with a family reunion, continued with fabulous lunches, coffees, shopping and dinners with old friends. My days were busy with activity and my nights were spent chilling out at the house with my parents. It was a good trip, just what I need every time I make it. Here's a photo of my parents and me, right before we left to come back to Ontario (click to enlarge):



We took only one day trip to Serpent Mount, the largest prehistoric effigy mound in the world...conveniently located about 20 minutes from my parents' house. Erich has seen the mound featured on television specials on the Sci-Fi and History Channel and always wanted to go there but for some reason, we never got around to it. This year, we did. I hadn't been there myself since a grade-school field trip. It was a pretty cool place and definitely worth the trip. While there, we climbed the observation tower to have a look at the mound from above. As I ascended the stairs, I couldn't help but think this was yet another thing I would never have attempted pre-op. We had someone else up there take our photo (click to enlarge):



I continued my 10K training in Ohio - as I mentioned in my last blog, the local YMCA offered me a free guest membership while I was there. The facilities were very good and made it easy for me to get my workouts in. I would get up and go in the morning, before Erich woke up and we started our day.

Of course, one of the perks of crossing the border is getting all the goodies that aren't available here, especially to those of us who have had gastric bypass surgery. The sugar-free syrups to put in our protein shakes, the MUCH larger varieties of low-fat and sugar-free food...and the much lower prices of things that can be found here. Everyone...EVERYONE...loads up on supplies when in the States. Here's my haul:



A variety box of low-sugar oatmeal! Cool flavours of protein bars and Mio! Torani syrup AND...I found sugar-free syrups at Ollie's and the dollar store for....wait for it...ONE DOLLAR. And yes, they were sweetened with Splenda. I would've bought an entire case if they would've had it. OMG. I was so happy. LOL! That big bottle of sugar-free maple syrup there in the middle? That costs less than a bottle almost half its size here. I had my dad order high-dosage calcium supplements from GNC; not available in Canada. Nice haul.

Right after I came back, I had to get super focused at work because my supervisor was going on vacation for two weeks. We are the only two people left in my department so that meant I was alone. For two weeks, running the whole show by myself. I don't mind telling you I was pretty worried about this. There's a reason he's my supervisor and gets paid more than me - he does things I never do. And to be frank, I'm not too interested in learning the things he does without the bump in pay that should rightfully come with it. But I had no choice. I dread letting people down. I dread not rising to the occasion. Like most people, I think, but my drama-queen nature creates/amplifies crises on a regular basis. But I think I did a pretty good job, all in all. I didn't kill anyone so that's a plus. Seriously, I was fine about 95% of the time. I shake my head at myself...I really am a much more capable person than I realize.

You all are more capable than you realize. I sometimes need to be reminded of my own motto: You are stronger than you think you are. For sure!

Let the games begin!

So as I reported a couple of weeks ago, I signed up for a walking 10K to celebrate my re-birthday. The Minds in Motion website includes helpful training schedules for their races; I just completed week one and am proud to say that I not only lived through it but I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Getting back into the gym at least 4 days a week has been really good for me. I had been walking/jogging a lot outside but during the heatwave, well, I did pretty much nothing. Having this schedule in front of me and knowing I need to adhere to it in order to complete the 10K safely and efficiently, helps (click to enlarge).



The race isn't until September 23, so I didn't need to start training until tomorrow but I figured I'd go ahead - I was pretty excited to start, actually! I'm a very visual person and I love seeing this schedule. I can see me doing many more events like this with a goal in mind and a clear path to getting there.

Since I'm American, my copy of the schedule has a little key written off to the left side with the mile equivalent of the kilometers! And - you might be surprised to hear this - I've never been on a treadmill here that had a kilometer feature. They're all in miles. Very odd. So...for those who are interested...

3K = 1.86 miles
4K = 2.49 miles
5K = 3.1 miles
6K = 3.73 miles
7K = 4.35 miles
8K = 5 miles
9K = 5.6 miles
10K = 6.2 miles

I like that the "rest" days are Friday and Sunday. With Erich working nights Monday to Thursday, Fridays are special to us. We often go out to dinner then chill out in front of the tube, catching up on those things we forget to mention during our nightly phone calls. Same with Sunday - it's our lazy day. I often work out Saturdays before he gets up, so this is perfect.

The week went pretty well. I strapped on my braces, downed a preventive dose of Tylenol Arthritis and took off to the gym. So far, so good! I am continually surprised by how in shape I am. The fact that I can work all day then go to a 5K isn't anything new - I've done it before - but it still surprises me.

Well, maybe not work ALL day. I'm getting off earlier and earlier. Which is good for gym time, but bad for the pocketbook. Anyone have a job for me out there!?!

For my first "cross train" day, I did an abs workout video. I felt it for a few days! That's probably a sign I need to do it more often.

The Olympics began over the weekend and with me doing this piddly little training schedule, it got me to thinking about what they go through. Such intense training. Hours a day for years. Now that's dedication worthy of admiration and respect.

This time next week, I will be in Ohio for a week to attend my family's annual reunion and visit old friends and stomping grounds! There is a YMCA about 15 minutes from my parents' house and I have contacted them about training there. The manager assured me he would give me a pass to use for the week. Awesome! I was totally prepared to pay so that was a nice gesture on his part. Priority number one when we get down there will be to go get that pass.

Random cool event: Bought a pair of Dr. Scholls walking shoes yesterday since I wanted to have a pair that weren't my normal running shoes; I need a pair to use when I have to walk around all day at an event. They were priced $35. Ok, fine. Well....they scanned at $3.00. That's right. THREE. The checkout lady definitely noticed it but said "I'm not telling anyone. Go get you another pair!" LOL! They didn't have any more in my size, or I would've. Too cool, huh? Every now and then, karma smiles.

Guilty as charged

There is a lot of guilt in obesity recovery - which is what I call the time when we are losing weight and doing a pretty good job of keeping it off.

Probably the first guilt comes when you eat something you know you shouldn't have. It happens to everyone. There is also guilt when you miss a workout. But I'm talking about something on a deeper level.

"What did I do to myself?"
Everyone who has lost a significant amount of weight gets that thought in his or her head. Why did I let it get so bad? Someone asked me that recently, actually...and no I didn't punch him in the face. Because he was right. I hated the question and his nerve pissed me off, but why did I let myself get to almost 500 pounds? There are no easy answers, really. I can only blame a form of mental illness. Some people never feel the need to drink a beer in their life; others drink themselves to death. I was eating myself into the grave and while I knew it, I couldn't seem to make myself stop it. There's a whole lot of "WHY?" going on in my head. My life could've been so much better if I'd taken control of things at 20 instead of 40. Whenever I look at the pounds of loose skin that I'll never be able to remove, I feel guilt. I did this to myself and there's no one to blame but me. It's sometimes a tough pill to swallow.

Here's a Dr. Phil-ism: The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for one year is being in one for one year and one day. Amen and goodnight. I made the change when I did and that's that. Look forward.

"I wish I could help him/her."
When I see a severely morbidly obese person on the street, I want to help them. I feel a sense of guilt that somehow I found relief from that misery and I want to share knowledge with them. It doesn't seem right that I'm living my life and they can barely walk and breathe. Maybe it's a form of survivor's guilt. I'm on the shoreline, safe, but they're still sinking.

"I had no complications (sorry)."
Seriously speaking, I had pretty much zero complications with my surgery. Nothing. I have only dumped once (I think it was a dump...albeit a very minor one) and beyond some nausea or vomiting when I ate/eat the wrong thing or too much, too fast, that has been it my friends. I lost weight quickly and without incident. My surgeon called me "a star." Textbook, right? So when I hear about patients who end up back in the hospital or dump after a cough drop, I feel guilty. DAMN! I got off easy. I did exactly as I was told, of course, and I do think that helped me. But then I also know there are people who follow doctor's orders very well and still have random crap.

"Did I take the easy way out?"
Some weight-loss surgery patients fight this mentality allll the time. Of course, some feel no guilt at all about the method they used to become healthy. I admit I do to a certain extent. My path - at first - was indeed a bit easier than someone who has not had "the surgery". If there wasn't some benefit or advantage, I wouldn't have had the procedure. I have friends who have lost a lot of weight the "old-fashioned way". And yes, sometimes, I feel inferior to them. I am sure there are outsiders who feel those people are stronger than me, have more discipline than me. Maybe they're right. I dunno. What I do I know is it takes a lot to get here where I am. It's bad enough that others think I did this the easy way and maybe am not totally deserving of admiration or success; my job is to not let them get into my own head and make me feel guilty because of my method.

Here's a question for you: Is guilt useful? Does it keep you in line? Sure it does, in some ways. You will feel guilty if you have the second piece of cake (and likely sick as a dog, too), so you put it down. When someone asks you about the gym, you will feel guilty if you haven't been there in two weeks, so you go. All of this can make you follow your plan more diligently. Nothing wrong with that!

However, guilt can also eat you alive. I shouldn't feel badly about my success or the method I chose to get here, for example. We're all a work in progress and need to remember how valuable we are; self-worth and self-awareness is the key. Everything else is white noise. Tune it out.

Three is a magic number

Yesterday was my 3rd rebirth-day, as my husband calls it. The anniversary of my surgery and the day my life changed forever. Changing for the better every day!

Erich and I went to Stratford and took a relaxing boat tour of the Avon River. It was a beautiful day and strolling around the water watching the swans was what I needed after a week of very intense work-related stress. Celebrating low-key.

My other re-birthday gift to myself was signing up for my first 10K. I think I'm ready for a new challenge. My knees - with braces on them both - held out pretty well for the Father's Day 5K. So I'm gearing up for the Minds in Motion K-W Walking Classic on September 23. Yes, I will walk it. For some reason, people tend to make you feel badly for not running. I'm taking baby steps here - my knees thank me for it. There was also a half marathon option but nope. Not yet. Sorry!!

I posted this picture on Facebook yesterday morning and had such an overwhelming response of support from my awesome friends and family. The photo on the left was taken in December, 2008 - two months before my first visit to the surgeon in Detroit. The pic on the right was taken on Father's Day this year during the 5K I participated in for prostate cancer awareness and research.



I've said it before, but I bear no ill will to the woman on the left. She was brave and strong enough to save herself and I am grateful to her. I'm not one of those people who cringe at my 'before' photos. I still don't really recognize the woman on the right. I know it's me, but it still doesn't seem like me.

Three years seems like a long time yet it also seems like yesterday. I've learned a lot. A lot about me and those around me. Here are the top three things I know to be true:

3. I am stronger than I think I am. Who would've ever thought I could do this? Certainly not me. I mean, I wouldn't have started it if I didn't want it but I have been successful beyond my own expectations and surprised myself with my fabulous-ness!!

2. Support is the most important ingredient to inspiration and therefore, success. When you think you can't go on, there will be someone, somewhere, to let you know YOU CAN. You will. You must. It could be your partner, parent, child, friend, a stranger on tv or in a magazine. Someone. Support comes from unexpected sources, let me tell you, as does apathy. You might learn who really has your back and who doesn't; I sure did.

1. The journey never ends. It just goes on and morphs into something different as time goes by. The new normal is you being healthy, positive, looking out for yourself. Taking care of yourself. Goals are important - maintenance itself can be a goal but for me, I'm learning I need new challenges. New reasons to push myself to maintain health. Hence the 10K signup.

Let's toast to Three. It's a magic number! :)

Ow! What's that?

Mystery pain. Is that what comes along with an active life?

For some unknown reason, my left ankle is a little hurty. Not recalling actually doing anything to bring on the pain, it's a mystery. Also, my right knee has been smarting since Friday night. I think that one has to do with being in a seated position too long, as Erich and I attended a banquet celebrating the 20th anniversary of the company where he works. Drinks, dinner, speeches, an "our company kicks ass" film...sitting too long tends to make my knees lock up a bit.

Often a random ache or pain will come and go quickly and that's cool. But these have been ongoing for a few days now, and frankly, it's getting on my nerves.

It's funny what you can get accustomed to. My pain levels fluctuated when I was 450 pounds, but it was also a constant - like background music. I learned to ignore it for the most part, and take any steps necessary to keep it at that Muzak status. I walked on eggshells for at about, oh, 25 years or so. And when the pain got so severe as to move to the lead-singer position, I stopped. Stopped life. Tried to move as little as possible.

But now I try to get on with it, even though I notice the lower pain levels more. We had a really busy weekend so I couldn't just stop. Saturday, I put a brace on my knee and we went to a friend's party during the day; a two-and-a-half-hour "ghost walk" that night. Sunday I wrapped my ankle, put my knee brace back on and went grocery shopping. Tonight, I did the same thing and went on my usual walk/jog...ok, walking this time. No jogging.

I'm pretty sure this pain would've had me laid up in bed for a couple of days when I was obese. The fear of it becoming worse - much worse - would've been that intense. I recall my back "going out" once shortly before I started losing weight and it just wouldn't heal. My fear was that I would never heal, that my weight had finally caught up with me and this was it. Wheelchair, bedridden, TLC coming to film them cutting me out of the house. Dramatic, maybe, but I also knew how scenarios like that got started. I remember sobbing to my mother over the phone about this. She tried to comfort me while also letting me know the solution to the fear - and the pain - was in my hands. Lose weight.

But I don't let the pain stop me anymore. I have shit to do and I need to move. No more stopping for me, unless the pain gets to the point where I know it needs to be dealt with by a professional. No, I'm not completely stupid! :p

Mystery pain went along with obesity, I knew that, but apparently it doesn't stop when you lose weight. It's just less vivid and we are more able to tolerate it because, well, we're strong now and kick ass.

I started the 5-Day Pouch Test today. I've done this "fast" several times and it does help get me back on track. I haven't done it since the first of the year - and then I did it half-assed - so I'm really throwing myself into it now. So far, so good. I'm not even really that hungry yet. Yet. LOL!

My best time

Greetings fellow....people!

On Sunday, I spent father's day in London, Ontario participating in Prostate Cancer Canada's Father's Day 5K Walk/Run. It rained the night before and the entire morning, but by the time we took off, it stopped. Later on, the sun came out and all was right with the world. Running the entire 5K would've been ideal but I'm just not there yet. Not like I've trained super hard to do it, either. I ran when I could, walked when I couldn't.

I raised $510 for the cause and I'm pleased with that. All told, over a million dollars got poured into the coffers from races all over the country. So that's awesome.

Coming into the finish, I got the shock of my life when the clock said just over 47 minutes. We got a late start and I wasn't really sure how long I'd been gone. That time is not great, I know. But in October at the CIBC Run for the Cure, the 5K took me just over an hour to complete. So this is real progress and I'm proud of that sucky time! Erich was waiting for me at the finish line. He said he checked out the clock said to himself "Oh, I have 15 or 20 minutes to wait for her," then all of the sudden I was jogging towards him! Very cool to surprise him like that and make him proud.

Some pics from the race (click to enlarge):

Ready for the rain (ditched the poncho soon after this was taken):



Finish line!



I know my face is blood red but honest to god, I felt like a million bucks. My face reddens very easily under normal circumstances. The picture gave my mom a fright, though. LOL!



Back at the hotel after the race, we had the guy behind the counter take our pic:



I ordered those shirts we have on from Zazzle. Much better to deal with than Cafe Press, I'm just sayin'. And no, they didn't pay me to say that. I'm thinking of putting in another order after I came across this shirt. Too lame? Probably. Meh.

Last night, beautious bariatric blogger Beth Badore (a.k.a. Melting Mama) FINALLY appeared on ABC doing what she does best - shooting straight. Beth went to NYC weeks ago to film an interview with Deborah Roberts that was supposed to appear on an hour-long 20/20 special on weight loss. Ended up on the cutting room floor. Well, they resurrected the piece for Nightline and its story on alcohol addiction and weight-loss surgery (WLS).

The thing is, those of us who have had WLS possess addictive personalities. The tendency for some is to replace one addiction for another when food is taken out of the equation. Drugs and alcohol are easy new soulmates due to the re-plumbing we had via the surgery...we feel the effects faster. We get drunk faster and we sober up faster. And, as Beth so eloquently put it, "If you can't swallow chicken, you can swallow wine." Poultry, for non-WLS readers, is a notoriously rough food for patients to get down. Some can never eat it again - I can (thank goodness). Check out the video HERE.

Unanswered Prayers

What a funny thing life can be. Twists and turns that fate forces you to take oftentimes guide you onto the straightest path.

Not long ago, I found the Facebook profiles of two boys I was obsessed with in school. You might not believe this, but I was fairly boy crazy (was? Still am). I know, hard to imagine. You can stop laughing now. Anyway, most of the objects of my affection didn't give me the time of day in a "romantic" sense. I was the fat girl in school, after all. I had many friends and yes, a few boyfriends, but a few did get away. LOL! The boys - men now, I suppose - I found online looked much the same as they did when I thought I couldn't live without them. Just older. And I'm sure they are great guys with fabulous wives and families. Honestly, I wish them both the best. But I had to wonder: What would my life be like if I had gotten what I wanted?...Which was THEM, at the time.

My small town is full of couples who met in high school or even elementary school. There are those who have been together as long as I can remember, some from the moment we first wrote notes back and forth asking "Do you like me, circle yes or no?" And bless their hearts, I'm thrilled they're still together and happy. I couldn't make that work myself - my first husband and I were high-school sweethearts. But really, I have to be happy that I didn't get what I wanted.

What if I hadn't met Erich and been in a position to date him, then move to Ontario?

What if I had kids with my first husband, virtually tying me to him and the area where we grew up forever?

What if I'd never been bored - by myself with a husband who worked nights - and tuned into American Idol, seeing Bo Bice for the first time? What if I had been working (which I couldn't yet do in my new country) and hadn't had the time to immerse myself in his online community? You can mock me all you want, but being his fan and meeting the wonderful people I have, has changed my life for the better in immeasurable ways. Not the least of which is the desire to travel and LIVE - which spurred me to have the weight-loss surgery that saved my life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you are presented with two paths and one looks more overgrown and messy than the other, safer one...make the tough choice. The road less traveled is the one paved with gold. Life is supposed to be challenging. That's where the rewards are. Do this in every aspect of your life that you can and you'll be happier for it. I promise!

And learn to thank god for Unanswered Prayers.

Re-gain and re-run

It's hard to believe I am coming up on the 3-year anniversary of my surgery. So many changes and yet so many things are the same. My husband refers to July 7 as my "re-birthday"; I am one of those cheesy people who often consider new years (January 1, birthdays, anniversaries) as a chance to push the re-set button on whatever needs to be tweaked. This year, as I approach my re-birthday, I know what needs to be done.

This journey never ends, it just changes. For me, I am dealing with a bit of regain and of course that needs to be stopped in its tracks. I've been struggling with it since last fall, when something happened that made the already overwhelming stress in my life just a bit more of a vivid stoplight red. I won't go into that but I definitely recognized the pathological, comfortable reaction for me was to medicate with my old frenemy food. The good thing is that I did recognize it and it hasn't gotten completely out of hand, but I feel like I need to start over a little bit. So I'm going back to 2009 in a few ways. I'm re-reading my faithful blue binder that the awesome team at Henry Ford Hospital gave to me. I'm looking within myself and remembering the reasons I did this and how it would feel to go back. NO going back. Ever. I'm even thinking of heading back to the pool. It helped me so much back then and was so much fun. I stopped going because I couldn't really afford a gym membership and pool time, but my gym membership is dirt cheap now so I'm going back into the water.

Complacency is an addict's worst enemy. So many of us get to goal and feel a fucked-up sense of entitlement, of "I'm thin now, so I can eat what I want." No, you can't. If the reformed drinker or smoker says that, the shit hits the fan. No different with me. Having said that, I have no desire to be a food Nazi. Life is more than 1200 calories a day, no sugar, no carbs, no fun. I can't just stop eating, so finding the sweet spot (no pun intended) can be difficult. So since last fall, I've lost some and gained, lost some and gained. I'm losing again at the moment and I'm determined to not let this shit beat me down.

Enough of that! Other topics:

Even three years out, I still struggle sometimes to remember that I've lost weight and people don't see me the way they did before the surgery. In some situations, my first reaction is to think about how humiliating an experience will be based on others' reaction to my presence. That's a very tough thing to overcome. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will.

Not too long ago I went to see singer/songwriter Levi Weaver at a so-called "house show". Literally, someone opens up their home to musicians and people come to feel the music. Levi is popular with some of my friends but I had never seen him perform live. Now, the thought of me going to someone's house and not knowing anyone at all in the room was more than a little terrifying. A bigger venue I can handle. It was the size of the "crowd" that got to me. What if there isn't room for me? I take up too much space, right? No one will talk to me. Who wants to talk to me?? Sometimes I feel like there's a voice in my head like the psycho mom in Carrie: "They're all gonna laugh at you!!" But I took a deep breath and remembered that I. Will. Be. Fine. I got great support from my friends and went. And it was awesome. Levi was wonderful, both offstage and on, and the whole thing made me wonder what I was so worried about. I discovered yet another thing that is no big deal. Just do it.

Erich and I celebrated our 11th anniversary at a dinner theatre/all-suite hotel in Mississauga called Stage West. Again, something I wouldn't have attempted before. I just would've felt very out of place in a setting like that. The seating would've freaked me out. Navigating my way through the tables would've been enough to keep me home. But it was a very nice time and we both loved the food, the play and the hotel. We got a great, GREAT deal so it's probably not something we would do again.

This time next week, I will have completed my second official 5K (I do them in the gym all the time but no one's counting those...LOL) when I go to London (Ontario...don't get too excited) and participate in the Father's Day Walk/Run for Prostate Cancer. Last fall, I did the CIBC Breast Cancer 5K in memory of my Aunt Betty and also to support all the other victims and caregivers of the disease. This time, I'm walking for my own father. My dad was only 49 when he was diagnosed and thanks to early detection, he is still with us today. I can't be with him next Sunday so this is my way of linking us together over the miles. I am fund-raising for this event - if you can, please click this link and give me, my dad, and all those touched by prostate cancer your support. I will do the breast cancer 5K again this year, but will not fund-raise for it. I figure one race a year is enough to bug people for money - and trust me, IT'S HARD to get people to donate to anything. Much harder than I expected! The rest of the year, I will do more 5Ks if I find them, but won't fund-raise.

I still can't run a 5K. My knees are pretty much bone on bone, so damaged from the arthritis that came about from my life of morbid obesity. But I wear braces on both knees and get on with it. And the other night, I ran more than I ever have and it was a pretty awesome feeling. I did a 5K at the gym yesterday and shaved about 10 minutes off the time I put up at the breast cancer race last October. So I feel good about that. I no longer wonder if I can finish; I just want my best time.

More stuff to get off my chest but that'll come later, maybe tomorrow. I don't want to write too long of a book here! I love you guys and thanks so much for all your kind wishes and support.

Oh, Jillian....

In the age of celebrity worship, it's only natural that some folks in our society look to movie stars and musicians when thinking about embarking on a weight-loss journey. I make no secret of the attention I give when famous bariatric-surgery patients such as Carnie Wilson or Star Jones speak out. Spokespeople from Jennifer Hudson and Valerie Bertinelli to Marie Osmond and Charles Barkley have made a second career out of endorsement deals with the programs that helped them to shed pounds. Reality shows create superstars out of personal trainers like Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper, and at least some fleeting fame for the contestants. Nothing wrong with that and nothing wrong with looking to these people for inspiration. I say, find it in whomever - or whatever - works for you.

But celebrities do, in my opinion, have a certain responsibility to know what the hell they're talking about.

Recently, on Jillian Michaels' You Tube series "Daily Dose" a caller asked her what she thought about lap-band surgery. This kind of led to a long oration against all wight-loss surgery (WLS), which she described as "dangerous, very dangerous" and "barbaric". You can imagine how this is setting with the vast majority of bariatric patients. Check it out for yourself:



She does say some things that are kind of true - there are risks associated with WLS - with ANY major surgery - and there are possibilities of complications like dumping. But honestly, she's being very, VERY dramatic. I had a pretty emotional reaction to this video when I first watched it. It made me cry with sadness. What elicits such a strong response from me is thinking about someone who thinks they have finally found a solution to obesity. They've tried everything (yeah, Jillian, they've counted calories) and failed over and over again. They are in the middle (or end) of the pre-screening process and are excited to start their new life, although yeah, they're probably scared, too. So they watch this video and get freaked out. Maybe they cancel the surgery and spend a few days in a bag of Doritos because Jillian says they should be able to lose weight without surgery but they still feel like they can't. Maybe they get a little depressed and self-esteem plummets further. You see where I'm going with this?

Of course, maybe she inspires someone to try to lose weight "on their own" one last time and they succeed. If so, good for them.

Here's the thing. People look up to her and she needs to get her facts straight before she spouts off very generalized statements about a specific surgery. Ranting about worst-case scenarios is not cool. You risk a whole lot more being morbidly obese than you do having this surgery. According to the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive & Kidney Disease (NIDDK), less than 1% of all cases of bariatric surgery result in death. Complications are rare and as I've said before - most of the more "common" complications like malnutrition and dumping can be avoided simply by being a good patient and doing what you're told.

My husband watched this video with me and made a good point, which I was already considering before he said it: Jillian's worried about her bottom line. Speaking out against WLS and using fear to keep people away from it could potentially benefit her pocketbook. She could be under the mistaken notion that WLS patients don't buy her books or exercise videos. She would be wrong about that, of course. Again....WLS isn't a magic wand and you have to exercise and eat right to both lose the weight and keep it off. However, you can bet your ass that after watching this video, I won't buy another single thing she has for sale. Ever.

The National Institute of Health now considers WLS the only permanent treatment for morbid obesity. I've written in the past about the many years, tears and dollars I've spent trying to achieve and maintain a healthy weight. It's not that I failed, I just didn't find what worked for me. Every "diet plan" will work if you work it - you just have to find one you can live with. WLS has worked (so far) for me.

While researching some stats for this blog, I found a very cool graphic from the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery
website. This is what WLS can do for you (click to enlarge):


As someone who supposedly makes a living attempting to help people discover a healthier lifestyle, shame on Jillian Michaels for trying to steer people away from a very safe procedure that saves lives every single day.

Surprises

One of the questions I'm asked most is what about my surgery and/or weight-loss journey has been the most surprising or unexpected?

I'm almost three years out (OMG!) and I can tell you the surprises keep coming. Or maybe it's just that I am still not used to my "new" body. For example, it is still odd to me that I can wear a size x-large or even a large with regularity. I shop in the "regular" sections of stores now, but sometimes I still shake my head when I try something on and it looks good (or at least passable) on me.

The new trend of maxi-length dresses almost passed me by. I have always been of the mindset that long dresses make me look like a box. I had no real discernible curves, so put me in anything long and I look sorta like a coffin. Not really a great style. Dresses were never a part of my wardrobe at all till I married Erich and moved to Canada. His mother, who made a lot of my clothes because I couldn't find anything here that would fit me, began making me skirts and dresses. I didn't know any women who routinely wore these..."things"...but she kept making them for me. So I kind of felt obligated to wear them. She made a black floor-length skirt for me and I wore it to my stepdaughter Ericha's confirmation in 2002:



I look like I have no bottom half. I'm just one big blob. Very Jabba the Hut-like. At least with pants, I had legs. LOL! This is why I never wore dresses, especially long ones. And yes, I was carrying a cane - at age 32.

I was in Old Navy recently and maxi dresses were everywhere. I decided to try one on and hey...I don't look too bad in this! I look tall and thin. What a revelation. Then I remembered that I already DO have a maxi dress, and I wore it last year during our trip to the Dominican Republic (click this one to enlarge):



So I forget sometimes and am still surprised.

Just the other day, I started to run a bath and left the room for a moment....then I ran back in to stop the water so I could still have room to get in the damn thing and not overflow it. When I stepped inside, it was half full. Ooops. Yeah, right. More water.

I still occasionally check furniture before I sit on it to be sure it will hold me. If it looks rickety, I stop and a moment of panic flashes before I remember that it's ok.

Other surprises along the way:
- How quickly that pouch fills up when you're newly post-op. Pay attention!
- Less laundry because of smaller clothes.
- I can go away for at least four days with a carry-on-sized suitcase.
- Water rushes by my hips in the tub now. My ass is no longer a dam.
- Clothes in general are FAR less expensive.
- The lack of problems and complications I've had. I've been lucky.
- My feet shrank 2 sizes; my fingers 5 sizes; my bra, 5 band sizes (48 to 38)
- I can no longer open doors by simply leaning against them.
- I look all right with short hair.
- The excess skin thing SUCKS.
- Everything that used to be oily is now dry: Hair, skin, nails, etc.
- I've become cold-natured. I rarely sweat anymore. I *glisten*
- Activity is thoughtless
- Pain is not normal. Now when my back or knees ache, it really bothers me!
- My apparent ability to inspire others. Unexpected and humbling.
- I can change. I can adapt. I can do things I never thought possible.

I could sit here all night and think of a lot more things but that's the gist off the top of my head. This journey is a long and winding road. There really is no end to it; you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and embrace the next surprise around the corner. Good or bad, I promise there's a lesson to be learned.